I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
