you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
