Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
