saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
