Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
