can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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