in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this just has baby written all over it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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