hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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