Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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