you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
