I cannot find my penis.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
