booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
