Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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