the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
