Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
