i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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