The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
