just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
