i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
