Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
