drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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