Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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