awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
