Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm at about main and main street
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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