I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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