You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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