five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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