Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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