you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
