i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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