You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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