I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
