Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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