Don't you send me to vm
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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