I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
