On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
