i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
