i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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