Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
