If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
