I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dick very happy bro
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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