she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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