you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
