I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
