If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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