I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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