I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
