It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
