i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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