i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
