so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
