i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
