Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
