You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How does one acquire holy water?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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