he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
