Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
