Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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