Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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