STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
