I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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