i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
