A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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