Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
