You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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