My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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