I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
