Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
