I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
