1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
