Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
